A New Year, A New Hope

Hope is a dangerous thing. Drive a man insane. It's got no place here. Better get used to the idea. 


Story of my life. My prison is my mind. My "Great Depression" is my life. Yes,  now I'm mashing disparate movies together.

2012. A brand new year. In the grand scheme of things, Jan 1st is just another day. If you stop thinking of years graphically as clusters of 12 blocks, and think of them contiguously linked together, you will see December melting into January so that the effect is less jarring. Well, that's how I think of it. And if you believe those pesky Myans, it's all going to end this year. God forbid. I'm hoping my life will begin this year.

Oops. There it is. I said the "h-word." Hope is a dangerous thing. And boy, don't I know it. The quintessential human emotion- simultaneously the source of our greatest strength and our greatest weakness (I did the movie thing again).

Let me tell you why hope is a dangerous thing. Because it gives you hope. Rather it gets your hopes up. Damn it, what am I saying... The point is, you deal with a lot of bullshit hoping that something will happen. But life ain't like the damn movies. When that thing doesn't happen, you're just left with a lot of bullshit, a confused look on your face, and nowhere to go. And such has been the case with me far too many times (yes, allow me to whine. This is my blog, after all). And that's fucking boring. It really is. That's right. For once I'd like to know the opposite feeling of having your hopes come crumbling down and being left with nothing and nowhere to go. Not only are you left in the pit surrounded by broken bones, you have no drive behind you to keep you going. And I'm fucking bored of that.

And like a child that never learns his lesson, I still keep hoping, after all that. Idiotic!

But look sharp! All is not so bad. I ended 2011 with river rafting and began 2012 with bungee jumping. Not a bad way to kick things off. And there are plenty of good things that I can do this year, what with MICAT looming. I just have to work really hard. Really hard. And I fucking better. Do, or do not. There is no try. Not anymore. Except it seems that I don't need to try to find suitable movie quotes.

Yup. Although finding the whole "holiday" spirit this year was a very difficult and trying task, I think I can still feel a bit of the old "new year hope." Why not. I just hope I have a little help this year, in more area than one. Right from home on up. I feel another quote coming on.


Hope is a good thing, maybe the best of things, and no good thing ever dies.


Andy Dufrane, fucker...

P.S. I haven't bothered to make a resolution this year. Maybe my resolution is to get into MICA. Oh, and pick up the guitar again. *groan*

A Lesson Learned

As I've said before, I'm very much the kid who has to touch the stove to find out its hot. I can't believe another year has gone by, but it has not been without its lessons. I can only hope some good comes of these lessons and I can move on to the next thing instead of them being an excercise in futility again. And I hope I actually learn from them, instead of commiting the same mistakes again and again, which I am wont to do. Like losing my debit card. Oh my god, when I did it the second time, I just wanted to...

Anyway, coming to the first lesson: Talk. The biggest problem in the world is people don't talk. A lot of problems could be resolved peacefully if people would just sit down, and calmly discuss, converse, and have dialogue. Of course, nothing will be solved if you keep quiet. So if you have some good, true, sincere, and genuine to say, then just say it. Who cares about what other people think. Who cares what happens next. Just say it. No good can come of it if you keep it inside. After all, life's short, and all those other cliches.

Be good to your family. Because they will love you for free. And love is not free. There might have been a time when it was free, or when you thought it was free, but it aint. And yup, family is really important for that. Because no matter how much of a fucking asshole you are, they'll still take you back. And that's something. So be good to them. Don't take them for granted. They, like everyone else, don't owe you a damn thing. Even then, they're there for you, even when no one else will be. And they expect nothing in return, in spite of all they do for you. So pay them back, with interest.

And finally, take responsibility for yourself. Everything you have or don't have in your life is all on you. Don't shift the blame. If you fucked something up, then own up to it. Try and fix it. Some people are lucky enough to get a second chance to do it over again, some ain't. Because sometimes you just can't go back to the way it was. Even if you've lost years. So if you broke something beyond repair, if you can't fix it no matter how hard you try, well then you best accept it and move the fuck on. Learn. Heed the lesson. And never fuck up like that again.

And that's it. This year is gone, and I can't believe it. I better look to the future now. No point looking back and wishing. Makes more sense to look forward and hope. I shall spend the rest of the year drinking and trying to forget everything. Maybe when I wake up next year, I'll feel like I have a clean slate. That sure would be nice.


My new year's resolution? Not to be an idiot. Or try, at least.

I have to search for the lyrics of Auld Lang Syne now. Happy new year people.