Friday, January 6, 2012

A New Year, A New Hope

Hope is a dangerous thing. Drive a man insane. It's got no place here. Better get used to the idea. 

Story of my life. My prison is my mind. My "Great Depression" is my life. Yes,  now I'm mashing disparate movies together.

2012. A brand new year. In the grand scheme of things, Jan 1st is just another day. If you stop thinking of years graphically as clusters of 12 blocks, and think of them contiguously linked together, you will see December melting into January so that the effect is less jarring. Well, that's how I think of it. And if you believe those pesky Myans, it's all going to end this year. God forbid. I'm hoping my life will begin this year.

Oops. There it is. I said the "h-word." Hope is a dangerous thing. And boy, don't I know it. The quintessential human emotion- simultaneously the source of our greatest strength and our greatest weakness (I did the movie thing again).

Let me tell you why hope is a dangerous thing. Because it gives you hope. Rather it gets your hopes up. Damn it, what am I saying... The point is, you deal with a lot of bullshit hoping that something will happen. But life ain't like the damn movies. When that thing doesn't happen, you're just left with a lot of bullshit, a confused look on your face, and nowhere to go. And such has been the case with me far too many times (yes, allow me to whine. This is my blog, after all). And that's fucking boring. It really is. That's right. For once I'd like to know the opposite feeling of having your hopes come crumbling down and being left with nothing and nowhere to go. Not only are you left in the pit surrounded by broken bones, you have no drive behind you to keep you going. And I'm fucking bored of that.

And like a child that never learns his lesson, I still keep hoping, after all that. Idiotic!

But look sharp! All is not so bad. I ended 2011 with river rafting and began 2012 with bungee jumping. Not a bad way to kick things off. And there are plenty of good things that I can do this year, what with MICAT looming. I just have to work really hard. Really hard. And I fucking better. Do, or do not. There is no try. Not anymore. Except it seems that I don't need to try to find suitable movie quotes.

Yup. Although finding the whole "holiday" spirit this year was a very difficult and trying task, I think I can still feel a bit of the old "new year hope." Why not. I just hope I have a little help this year, in more area than one. Right from home on up. I feel another quote coming on.

Hope is a good thing, maybe the best of things, and no good thing ever dies.

Andy Dufrane, fucker...

P.S. I haven't bothered to make a resolution this year. Maybe my resolution is to get into MICA. Oh, and pick up the guitar again. *groan*

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