Random Rant-6 : The Shoulder Block Part 3- Blindsighted

This is the last of the Shoulder Block series, and I've chosen it for last because it is the most personal, and I don't think you would have experienced the particularities unless you travel from Hinjewadi Phase 2 to your home or place of residence on the bottleneck that is, well, the road through there.

But you two-wheeler-walas will no doubt understand that basic premise. During the monsoons, precipitation tends to collect on the visor of your helmet (of law abiding citizens who dare to wear a helmet, that is). This is expected and not a wholly irritating phenomenon. However, these little drops of water have the propensity to capture a ray of light and scatter it. And they all do this individually. Also it is the habit of the great Indian populace (baboons!) to ride at night with their high beams on. So not only do their headlights flash right in your eyes, the light-scattering droplets fill your helmet with a beautiful glow that shields your eyes from everything else.

Certainly a frightening situation.

So during the monsoons, when the road gets wet (and mind you, in Pune sometimes it doesn't rain, it just drizzles which serves only to make the road mucky and dangerous without being pleasant at all, but that's another rant), traffic invariable grinds to a halt, and proceeds from then on at a snail's pace. And while leaving the large commercial complex that is IT Park, this can mean encountering A SHITLOAD OF TRAFFIC in the aforementioned bottleneck.

Well, we twowheeler guys are damned if we're sitting through that bullshit. The main road has going and coming lanes separated by a divider which has gaps in it at certain points so a vehicle can turn around without having to traverse the whole stretch. So we cross the gap and go from the other side which is mostly empty. So much for law abiding citizens. But it cuts down travel time to a fraction of what it would be! And trudging through the traffic in a minor drizzle is a pain in the ass! Heavier rain is far better, believe me!

But the worst thing that can happen is you miss the gap. Because if you should, god forbid, you are in for about a kilometer of traffic, all the while roasting in your raincoat, slowly getting damp on the inside with aerosol-rain and sweat, feet getting muddy, and temper growing short. Combine this with the phenomenon of the glowing helmet and you'll see where I'm going.

You plan turn. You gdt blinded by fucking high beams and bastard rain droplets on visor. Bam. You miss turn. You screwed. Fuck.

There is no better way to explain this than a rage. My first. A new trend for a new year.

December? Christmas? Already? Fark!

What the fuck. This can't be.

It's already December. In fucking 2011. Over a year after I started this blog. I cannot believe it. I just turned around, and bam- it's December. "My December." Pffft. Stupid song.

It's jarring. Shocking. Especially after this year got off to such a promising start. A lot of new things were had. It was going slow and steady. Where did the time go? Where did the promise go?

And one of the more startling realizations that come with this time of the year is that Christmas is almost here. How? For me it was just that December was here, another month, another day closer to the next thing that I was supposed to do. It's supposed to be festive. But I need more time to get in the festive mood! Where's my bloody festive cheer, god damn it?

This can't be right. I don't have a drop of festivity in me at all. I need to load my iPod with the Christmas songs that are stored away the whole year in a folder, kept especially for this month. I need to get some Christmas movies. Bloody hell, I need to see something resembling Christmas soon, or else it's going to be the last week of the year, and IT WILL BE TOO FUCKING LATE. Christmas is meant to be enjoyed, and I need to do it now!

Damn my lethargic spirit! What the hell is wrong with me? Why am I not getting into this? No, I was always the one to carry on the torch of Christmas, to have that spirit burning inside me even though no one else around me gave half a bleeding damn about the holiday or it's fucking spirit. Damn it all to hell! This is the fucking subcontinent! No Christmas for you! Ha, I defy the naysayers. I wear my candycane heart on my sleeve. I shall celebrate Christmas to the maximum that I can.

Who cares if there is nothing Christmas around me? Who cares if no one seems to realize that the season is upon us and if we don't look now it'll pass us by? Who cares if it's the fucking 6th of December and I haven't heard a single carol, eaten a single cookie, seen a hint of tinsel or garland, even the traces of plastic needles from a fake Christmas tree? Usually, I'm able to do without... why not now? I need SOMETHING. Fine, I'm resigned to not having snow. But I'm ready to go to the mall and look at the soulless Christmas tree that they have callously put up merely to imitate their Western counterparts and cater to the rich-wannabe crowd, that of which I spoke so derisively of last year. I'll take it. I'll take anything if it can assuage this fear that the spirit of Christmas is dying inside of me. Anything.

I'm panicking.

But is it my fault? How much longer must I continue to carry on like this by myself? Where's my fucking Christmas miracle? It's about frickin' time! Where's my white Christmas? Is it too much to ask for to have a few semi-interested souls around me just to help carry the season's cheer? Something more than an empty piece of fruit cake or a fake Christmas card? No overly commercialized wannabe Christmas special on TV, but something real for a change? Or will I be forced to take the burden all on myself for so that when I finally do get the white Christmas there'll be nothing inside of me to even be moved to care, my biggest fear?

I don't think it's too much to ask for. No man is an island. Or, every man is an island. Whatever. But if the latter, then he's in a fucking archipelago. No one can do it on his own for too damn long.

I really need a Christmas miracle this year. Or hell... I'll settle for a Christmas happenstance. <Play "It's The Most Wonderful Time Of The Year">.

I'll sign off with a Christmas rage (courtesy Google):

Random Rant-4 : The Shoulder Block

So here's the situation: I'm riding my motorbike on the highway, and I need to take the exit so I can get off and get home. In essence, this could be any road, and any turn that you need to take. The exit off a highway is usually marked by a shoulder (if you don't know what that is, you can check here). This is generally a very easy operation.

So here's the problem: there's a big fucking truck in the middle.

Now, navigating around trucks is a part and parcel of taking to the road, I can't complain about that. But Murphy's Law has a way of augmenting the situation.

Inevitably, it so happens (in my case, several times) that there will be a truck trudging along in the vicinity of this very important exit, which in itself is not a horrible scenario, BUT it does so at a frustrating pace. The frustration arises not from the fact that it is slow or fast. The truck, or other heavy vehicle steamrolls along the road on the very side of the exit you need to take just in range of your exit and its speed is such that
1. You cannot overtake it in time to make your exit.
2. You cannot choose to go alongside it, for obvious reasons. Also, the gap on the near side of the truck is too small for you to fit into.
3. It is going far to slow for you to be able to stay behind without losing your temper.

Too slow                            Too fast                       Ah, just right

Clearly, neither of the above mentioned scenarios is navigable with much panache, lest you wish
to risk ending up as road kill, which you most likely will.

How it can be all these things at once, only Murphy can tell.

However, after a long, annoying day at the crap factory, why must I have to deal with this? Stupid troll truck at the point of the last exit blocking me off the shoulder? How is it that in the all the infinite permutations of traffic, and considering the arbitrary and highly variable nature of the moment I left my destination and the moment the truck left its destination, that the two of us would cross paths in that very 100 meter stretch of the universe... it seems highly unlikely, yes? It would seem I had a better chance of getting struck by lightning while getting attacked by a shark, yes? Maybe even a higher probability of getting a girlfriend, yes? But then how does this keep on happening? Murphy's Law be damned, and the truck driver be damned!

And you can't even do anything about it! Because goddamn if the driver is going to pay any attention to you. No matter how many pointless visions of using Magneto's powers to angrily fling said truck into the horizon, you have to ride it out, or risk death. The choice is yours.

Of course, death may be a better option than trying to overtake evil troll truck and pulling out at the last moment. For if you miss the exit (at least in my case) you have to face the humiliation of riding out the rest of the highway- because the next turn is 10km ahead.

Invariably, the situation results in the precipitation of pure rage. Road rage. Fffffuuuuuu!!!!!!