Tuesday, May 8, 2012

Random Rant 7:- The Excuse-Me Tango

So there I'll be, walking along, tralalalala, minding my own fucking business.

Then suddenly, some idiot will stop right in front of me. These idiots can come from anywhere. They may materialize around the corner, or may coming head on at you. Usually they are looking somewhere else. The ones coming around the corner do not have the sense to recognize the possibility of someone coming in the blind spot behind the corner, they just come barreling through. Those coming head on are looking at the ceiling, the floor, or into space- anywhere else but right in front of them. These I can at least see, because I'm of course looking in the proper direction.

But it may just be that I am in the confined space of a narrow corridor or such. Not much area for maneuverability. So now, bam, I'm stuck with said moron in front of me.


I hate having the flow of my walk broken for no good reason, but for someone's carelessness.

But being the bigger man, being the peacemaker, being the nice fucking guy that I am, I choose to step aside and give the erring soul yield, so that he/she may get the fuck on their way, and I can continue as well.

But no. Said idiot moves in the same direction that you do.

Damn it. Why would you do that? You have already put your incompetence on full display, why now would you block me from putting you far behind me, physically and otherwise?

Okay, I choose to ignore this blip. All is not lost yet. But I want to get the hell out of there. So I go to side-step the person. Only to have them step in the same direction.

Okay, what the fuck, man? Why are you mocking me now? Can you just move so I can be on my merry fucking way?

So I step back the other way. To my absolute horror, so the does the other person. It is getting agitating now. I mean, I was already agitated, but now the facade of good citizen is starting to crack.

So this back and forth thing can happen any number of times. It may be accompanied with embarrassed smiles and muffled apologies. Excuse me, no you excuse me, no you excuse me, and so on.

But here comes the best part.

I stop. I think, enough of this chicanery, I'm done with this bullshit. You can do whatever you want. But then the other person stops too. Now we both look like idiots who are just standing there. The horror. The shame. I want to die. I want to pick the other person up and throw them in the other direction. Look, just go around me, what are you doing?

But that's okay. I know the person's next move. By following the previous pattern, I know they are going to the side. So, here's what I'm going to do: I'm going to prevent any further shenanigans. I am going to end this misery. I am going to go right down the middle.

But then, would you believe it, so do they.


1 comment: